Optimize for being cool
Because your whole life depends on it
Yes, I’m cool. And you can be too.
How do I know I’m cool? Because friends, strangers and my own brain won’t stop reminding me about it. Over and over again.
Truth is, becoming cool has been my personal agenda for the past few years, the no. 1 thing I’ve deliberately chosen to cultivate about myself.
While everyone else was chasing the usual suspects — money, love, happiness — I took a step back and looked at my life from a slightly different angle.
I started asking myself one question: “Would doing this make me a cooler person?”
And like many pivotal moments in life, this journey began with a broken heart — the kind that forces you to rebuild yourself from the ground up.
The definition of cool
Think of someone cool. Who comes to mind? Princess Diana? Tom Cruise? What is it about them that catches your eye?
Is it their status? Their achievements? Their charm?
...or is it something more fundamental — the way they move through life?
Elegant. Effortless.
The definition of cool is not sunglasses (even though I love to wear them all the time). It’s also not fancy cars or invitations to super exclusive events. It’s a little more complex than that.
It’s authenticity. It’s being at peace with your true self.
Take Princess Diana. The crown? The outfits? Sure. But that’s not what made her cool. It was how she’d break from stuffy royal traditions to be herself. How she’d choose connection over protocol, realness over rules. She was unapologetically authentic in a world that demanded perfection. That’s what real cool looks like: having the confidence to be genuinely yourself, even when it goes against the grain.
Becoming cool is a journey
After my spring heartbreak of 2022, I spontaneously went on a trip to Paris where I spent some time doing one of my favorite hobbies: watching people.
The Zeitgeist tells us that people were eager to go out again, to hug each other, to form new memories.
Myself included.
Back then, though, I was socially shy and never really questioned that part of my life. I always chose being introverted as my excuse (which was a lie as I learned soon thereafter). I spent a lot of time in my apartment focusing on myself. I felt like I was missing out on so much in life.
Paris hit different. It felt like coming home.
Maybe it was the way strangers would strike up conversations at cafés, or how every corner seemed to hold a new adventure. In just a few days, I had more genuine experiences than in months back home. That’s when it hit me — this feeling of being alive, of trying new things, of saying yes — I could bring this back to my everyday life.
After coming back from this trip, I went feral. Completely feral.
I made some of my closest friends during that time, staying out until sunrise, creating memories I’ll never forget. I even got my first tattoo near the end of 2022 — something the old me would’ve overthought for years.
With each new experience, each small act of bravery, I grew more confident in who I was becoming. Life wasn’t just happening anymore — I was living it. And that confidence? It snowballed. The cooler I felt, the more I wanted to try, and the more I tried, the cooler I became.
Becoming cool isn’t about changing who you are — it’s about finally being brave enough to be yourself. It means digging deep, getting comfortable in your own skin, and letting go of what others might think. The real you has been cool all along. You just need to let them see it.
Fashion
The way you dress is the perfect example of what I’m talking about.
Trends help us to evolve what we wear but I’m a firm believer that your personal uniform is the true core of style.
We often hear the term “fashion NPC” being thrown around on social media. This is typically directed at people who wear pieces that are not trendy anymore. Ironically, this term is the first thing that comes to my mind when I see someone trashing others while wearing outfits that look like 90% of their for you page.
Fashion isn’t just clothing — it’s a visual extension of your character, a core part of your identity.
It’s Jane Birkin wearing a simple white shirt and jeans.
It’s Steve Jobs in his famous black turtleneck.
For me personally? I always wear black. Some might call it boring, but it's exactly how I like to dress. Simple, elegant, effortless. That’s my uniform, my signature — and it feels completely true to who I am.
When your style aligns with your essence like that, confidence follows naturally. And when you’re confident? That’s when you automatically radiate cool the moment you step out the door.
Peur des filles
Okay, this one is for the boys. Be friends with women. Not woman. Women. If you’re not learning from their experiences, you’re literally walking around with half the world’s wisdom locked away from you.
The women in my life have been incredible teachers — offering fresh perspectives on relationships, challenging my views, and yes, talking the truth in those essential gossip sessions. Looking back, my male-only social circle wasn’t just limited — it was incomplete.
Where to go from here
Earlier this year I stumbled across a reel that showed two fencers competing in the Grand Palais during the 2024 Olympics. My natural reaction was “omg this looks so cool”. Guess what, I’m looking at my very own fencing uniform now. It’s one of the coolest hobbies I’ve ever picked up.
One week ago I wasn’t even thinking of going back to writing. Yet here I am.
The bottom line is: you can just do things.
Asking yourself “Would doing this make me a cooler person?” will lead to a richer life — with fun, friendships, memories and careers all being the consequence of it.
I guess there’s a meta lesson in here for taking a step back and using proxy metrics to optimize your life, but that’s a discussion for a different time.
For now: be cool. Your future self will thank you.